Godzilla Vs The Smog Monster
Black Cobra
The Incredible Melting Man
Ulli Lommel’s Black Dahlia
Plan 9 From Outer Space
I watched all of the above five films recently. All could perhaps be swept into the garbage pail of “bad” films. Indeedy, my interest in Godzilla Vs The Smog Monster was piqued by it’s inclusion within a tome entitled The Fifty Worst Films Of All Time. I didn’t necessarily agree with the authors selection, as at least two of the fifty (Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia and The Omen (1976)) would have featured high on a list of films that I appreciated. The articles describing GVTSM and a 1930s all-midget western called The Terror Of Tiny Town made me laugh out loud.
Channel 4 showed 10 films that represented “The Worst Of Hollywood” circa 1983 complete with abysmally patronising comments. My brother, my friend and myself would hie us to the pub and roll back smashed to jeer this tosh. I have a low alcohol threshold which was exceeded on the night GVTSM was screened so I completely missed it, although I believe C4 may have had technical problems that night, and only showed about half the film.
I didn’t actually get to see it until hordes of original Godzilla flicks were released on video in the UK, and I picked up this Holy Grail. Much to my surprise I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s mixture of men in rubber suits slugging it out in dioramas, pseudo-60s psychedelia and heavy-handed anti-pollution messages were right up my street, and I felt proud that World Cinema could be so accessible. I recently revisited it through a Korean DVD. Expecting the film to be in Korean, I activated the English subtitles only to be confronted with an English dub. Much to my delight, the film’s already surreal visuals were accompanied by subtitles that only matched what was being said around 50% of the time. The other half either directly contradicted what was being said, or went their own sweet way, my favourite being a Japanese military commander’s barked “Damn’ fool!” being translated as “Stupid bastard!”
Can’t think why I wanted to see Black Cobra, unless it was a desire to take a look at a recently discovered new subgenre entitled “Poliziotteschi”, or violent Italian police thrillers. I’ve enjoyed a few spaghetti westerns, Italian Zombi films, gialli etc, so a 50 pence DVD with Fred Williamson on the cover seemed to say ‘Give us a go!’
My version was a transfer from NTSC video and apparently censored, so I didn’t get the full benefit. In fact the only saving graces seemed to be Fred Williamson, especially in his Tonik suit at the end, and a nifty reversal of sexism scene. I’ll obviously need to seek out other versions of this particular genre, and I don’t think Black Cobra 2, Black Cobra 3 or Black Cobra 4 will help.
I saw The Incredible Melting Man at the cinema twice in one week back in the day. I watched a knackered Vipco DVD which was better quality than I expected and was transported back to my wide-eyed youth. I can understand why people wouldn’t like something like this, but I found it fascinating. The adventures of the severed head in the stream, and the completely gratuitous exposure of Rainbeaux Smith’s chest make films like this transcend any form of criticism. You honestly don’t need good scripts, Oscar-winning acting, crisp cinematography and all that hogwash, do you?
I also don’t quite know how Ulli Lommel’s serial killer cheapo straight to DVD series garnered my attention, unless it was the hatred, bile and sheer venom they inspire on IMDB, especially from eejits who’ve been suckered into watching them thinking they were a different (more big budget) film, in the Asylum style.
I’d suffered Son Of Sam, rather enjoyed The Raven and was equally entertained by Black Dahlia. I liked Ellroy’s book and Brian De Palma’s film too. Like most of Lommel’s work of this period, it seems to be shot very cheaply on a camcorder, features actors of no discernable skill, and special effects that are less than special. But it holds the interest. I don’t know why. I think any film that provokes a reaction and ‘reviews’ of the calibre of “It’s shit!” or (groan) “I’ll never get that (fill in feature running length or amount of expenditure) back!”
Which brings us to Plan 9 From Outer Space.Held up against Black Dahlia, it honestly is a quality film. Entertaining on any amount of levels, it’s a proper Hollywood production compared to contemporary DTV films, Wood’s dialogue is brilliantly unbelievable, and, like good ol’ Godzilla Vs The Smog Monster, it carries an important message about man’s inherent capability to destroy his planet.
Bad films? They each have something to offer in their own innocent way.
