Punk Rock Sex : Ramones - The Ramones

Punk is a difficult thing to define. Like many genres, it mutates and is formed by mutation so there is no definitive…er…definition. Were The Ramones punks? The word punk comes from America ISTR and , in my view described a crummy JD, a ne’er-do-well, a kid in a black leather jacket who hung around on street corners. He was so far out of fashion he was in fashion. He looked menacing but was a nice guy underneath.

The Ramones couldn’t put a foot wrong apart from never being successful, making more than three studio and one live album(s), and their core members dying. In a reversal of Spinal Tap mythology, the drummers survived.

Let’s hark back to their first fab waxing, recorded by turning the metronome up to its fastest level, putting the bass & guitar through different speakers, but centralising the vocals and drums – just like The Beatles in their early days.

1. "Blitzkrieg Bop"

Blitzkreig is German for lightning war and describes the initial Nazi assaults during their invasions of their European neighbours. Bop (possibly an abbreviation of bebop, a fast tempo jazz) can signify dancing, or hitting someone or just music. What a title! Loud fast aggressive music with punch. Indeedy. And the first line is Hey Ho, Let’s Go. 1-2-3-4 and Gabba Gabba Hey were to follow, but we have a band-defining Ramonic statement with the first line.

The kids then form in a straight line, go through a tight wind and lose their minds. They pile in the back seat, generate steam heat and pulsate to the backbeat. Phew! Not sure about shoot ‘em in the back now but ‘ What they want I don’t know, they’re all revved up and ready to go ‘ is about as perfect a description of being a teenager as I’ve heard.

I’m exhausted and we’ve only done song one.

2. "Beat on the Brat"

I like to think Joey wrote this as a reaction to going shopping and having some appalling child run riot. I filled in the final piece of my punk jigsaw by actually going to see some of the bands live. At approximately the same time I started attending football matches. When an opposition player was injured there were generally two chants – ‘Bring on the Bostik’ or ‘Hit him on the head/hit him on the head/hit him on the head with a baseball bat/oh yeah’. Did the Ramones attend a football match when they visited Britain? Or did football fans adapt and speed up the song? Adam Ant wasn’t keen if B-Side Baby is anything to go by.

3. "Judy Is a Punk"

They said punk! A fantastic song – the essence of The Ramones – and those lyrics – Second verse, same as the first … Third verse different from the first – Dumbness = Brilliance and proof that Americans are au fait with irony. The mention of the Symbionese Liberation Army – horribly dated or crystallising a moment in time? The Sex Pistols did the same thing with the MPLA in Anarchy In The UK, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

4. "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” Charming romance, nifty change of pace

5. "Chain Saw" Horror film reference! With Sound Effect! Eerily prescient of The KKK Took My Baby Away.

6. "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue"

Hysterically irresponsible – the sort of thing that, were it drawn to their attention, would have politicians foaming at the mouth and blaming all the ills of youth on the songsters when the next line ‘Now I wanna have something to do’. provides the answer. It’s the solvent rejoinder to Lou Reed’s Heroin. Weird to think kids actually did this (and may still do for all I know – where’s that Evostik?). We do have a 1-2-3-4 but it’s in the middle.



7. "I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement" More horror via minimalist lyrics.

8. "Loudmouth" This is the weak one for me

9. "Havana Affair" America’s ongoing obsession with Cuba reflecting perhaps Cuba’s ongoing obsession with America.

10. "Listen to My Heart" 1-2-3-4! Beautiful heartbreaking song. Played at 100 mph.

11. "53rd & 3rd" Ever wanted to be a pimp? It’s a dangerous occupation. New York location. And the ‘what God forbade’ and ‘proved I’m no sissy’ expressions give it a bizarre innocence although it’s far from that.

12. "Let's Dance" Now that’s what I call a cover version. Cheesy organ! Going from the seedy environs of 53rd & 3rd to Chris Montez’ plea for dancefloor action hopefully leading to something else is a masterstroke.

13. "I Don't Wanna Walk Around with You" Yes. And seguing directly into….1-2-3-4….

14. "Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World" More dubiousness what with the rise of the Right in the 1970s, but hey, this isn’t meant to be taken seriously. (I hope) Our generation were brought up on WWII films and comics. Seymour Stein’s alleged complaints don’t seem to have made an awful lot of difference – transforming ‘Baby’ into ‘Schatzi’ just makes it more surreal. Eins-zwei-drei-vier and a feedback finish – couldn’t ask for more.



Possibly the greatest debut album in the world. And at less than half an hour long, it sure doesn’t outstay its welcome.

Teenagers From Outer Space

What’s it going to be then, eh?

There was me, that is Franklin, and there was a veritable Himalayas of books, CDs and DVDs. ‘Cos that’s my life. Films, stories and music.

It’s too easy these days. You can download everything. There’s no effort involved. In the coming days, I’ll be attempting to scale some heights and plunge some depths of this motley collection.

I had grandiose plans for the inaugural posting. But I ended up watching Teenagers From Outer Space.

My first encounter with anything to do with TFOS was via The Meteors. They were a group who played rockabilly style music with an edge, their songs were about horror and sci-fi subjects. They played with punk groups at the Lyceum ballroom in the Strand on a Sunday night. My brother had their first album In Heaven (the cover being a spot on parody of a dime novel) which contained their vibrant song – possibly based on the film. I have a compilation CD of their early stuff entitled Teenagers From Outer Space – which doesn’t feature the song.

So to the film. It opens with a nice shot of a famous observatory (Griffith?). We cut inside to a man looking through a telescope. He’s convinced he’s seen something unusual. Another man, obviously a scientist according to his glasses and abysmal beard, isn’t convinced.

We then go outside to see a flying saucer land, and four strapping young fellows with nifty tracksuits, high-top sneakers and greasy quiffs step out. It soon becomes clear that these aliens intend to utilise the Earth as a breeding ground for their food monsters, the gargans – but there’s dissension in the camp. One alien, with the unlikely name of Derek (honestly) has been reading a book, and is disenchanted with the aliens clone-like upbringing and fascistic outlook. He wants his fellow ETs to leave Earth alone and find somewhere else. Thor (that’s a bit more like it! Pre-Marvel but post Nordic myth) disagrees. He’s in possession of a pistol-like torch which lights up and has already reduced an inquisitive Earth pooch to a pile of bones. In the ensuing fracas, Derek escapes, Thor sets off in pursuit , and the others stash a tiddly gargan in a nearby cave and bugger off to collect their fellow space travellers bringing the gargan herds. There’s a complication in that Thor musn’t dematerialise Derek as he’s the Leader’s son – even though he doesn’t know it.

Derek has retrieved the disintegrated dog’s collar ID and wanders into a nearby town, the gas station attendant admires his uniform, and thanks to the dog tag, directs him to Betty and Gramps place, where, synchronicitycally, there is a room for rent.

Thor meanwhile has been given a lift (and an impromptu driving lesson) to the gas station where things have got out of hand and he’s reduced the attendant and the car driver to skeletons (possibly the same one – if the makers only had one skeleton to use they certainly got a lot of mileage out of it)

Betty takes a shine to Derek, kits him out in Earth clothing, takes him swimming as her pal Joe couldn’t make it – he’s an ace reporter and there’s been a double murder at the gas station – news travels fast in a small town. When she realises that Del is in possession of a dog tag – that just happens to be from her dog – she is too upset to go swimming and insists that the stranger show her the bones.

So far things have moved along quite slowly. The aliens talk in a slowed down robotic fashion and events take their time. Now we’re moving at an alarming rate. Thor arrives at Betty’s friend Alice’s swimming pool and skeletizes her – actually in the pool – boffo stuff – that skeleton is really earning his money! Betty and Derek go to the cops. Thor kidnaps Gramps and ends up taking a few bullets during a shoot out at City Hall, not before turning a couple of law enforcement officers into gun-toting skeletons (not at the same time – our friend has now made about five appearances – and he’s not done yet!)

The ace reporter and another lawman have made their way out to the dog’s last resting place in search of Betty, and the copper blunders into the cave containing the stashed gargan which eliminates him (off-screen but you can hear screams and bones crunching).

The gargan grows huge in a trice and goes rampaging across the countryside. Derek has the torch ray gun and by wiring it into some electrical power lines as a panic –stricken Betty engages the assistance of a handy deux et machina man at the power station, they’ve a chance to save humanity, or at least the town..

I couldn’t make out what the small gargan was at the beginning of the picture, but the giant one seems to be a lobster – a real lobster held close to the camera to give it gargantuan proportions with odd screaming sounds dubbed over the top.

If you’re having trouble coping with all this excitement, brace yourself, because an enormous fleet of spaceships containing the Leader and the gargan herds are approaching planet Earth. This being a low budget production we won’t actually see them, although when they come crashing down to Earth there is a brief piece of stock footage showing smoke pouring from a volcano to illustrate this colossal destruction.

It would take another 30 years until  CGI heavy productions such as Independence Day and Mars Attacks would actually show the full glory of starship invasions (OK, there’s the Star Wars films) but I have to give Tom Graeff full credit for his imagination. He produced, directed, wrote and appeared in the film as the newspaper reporter.

Intriguing to see Civil Defence sirens used and people advised to take to their cellars or bunkers, placing this firmly in Cold War paranoia territory.

Franklin Marsh Esquire

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