Teenagers From Outer Space

What’s it going to be then, eh?

There was me, that is Franklin, and there was a veritable Himalayas of books, CDs and DVDs. ‘Cos that’s my life. Films, stories and music.

It’s too easy these days. You can download everything. There’s no effort involved. In the coming days, I’ll be attempting to scale some heights and plunge some depths of this motley collection.

I had grandiose plans for the inaugural posting. But I ended up watching Teenagers From Outer Space.

My first encounter with anything to do with TFOS was via The Meteors. They were a group who played rockabilly style music with an edge, their songs were about horror and sci-fi subjects. They played with punk groups at the Lyceum ballroom in the Strand on a Sunday night. My brother had their first album In Heaven (the cover being a spot on parody of a dime novel) which contained their vibrant song – possibly based on the film. I have a compilation CD of their early stuff entitled Teenagers From Outer Space – which doesn’t feature the song.

So to the film. It opens with a nice shot of a famous observatory (Griffith?). We cut inside to a man looking through a telescope. He’s convinced he’s seen something unusual. Another man, obviously a scientist according to his glasses and abysmal beard, isn’t convinced.

We then go outside to see a flying saucer land, and four strapping young fellows with nifty tracksuits, high-top sneakers and greasy quiffs step out. It soon becomes clear that these aliens intend to utilise the Earth as a breeding ground for their food monsters, the gargans – but there’s dissension in the camp. One alien, with the unlikely name of Derek (honestly) has been reading a book, and is disenchanted with the aliens clone-like upbringing and fascistic outlook. He wants his fellow ETs to leave Earth alone and find somewhere else. Thor (that’s a bit more like it! Pre-Marvel but post Nordic myth) disagrees. He’s in possession of a pistol-like torch which lights up and has already reduced an inquisitive Earth pooch to a pile of bones. In the ensuing fracas, Derek escapes, Thor sets off in pursuit , and the others stash a tiddly gargan in a nearby cave and bugger off to collect their fellow space travellers bringing the gargan herds. There’s a complication in that Thor musn’t dematerialise Derek as he’s the Leader’s son – even though he doesn’t know it.

Derek has retrieved the disintegrated dog’s collar ID and wanders into a nearby town, the gas station attendant admires his uniform, and thanks to the dog tag, directs him to Betty and Gramps place, where, synchronicitycally, there is a room for rent.

Thor meanwhile has been given a lift (and an impromptu driving lesson) to the gas station where things have got out of hand and he’s reduced the attendant and the car driver to skeletons (possibly the same one – if the makers only had one skeleton to use they certainly got a lot of mileage out of it)

Betty takes a shine to Derek, kits him out in Earth clothing, takes him swimming as her pal Joe couldn’t make it – he’s an ace reporter and there’s been a double murder at the gas station – news travels fast in a small town. When she realises that Del is in possession of a dog tag – that just happens to be from her dog – she is too upset to go swimming and insists that the stranger show her the bones.

So far things have moved along quite slowly. The aliens talk in a slowed down robotic fashion and events take their time. Now we’re moving at an alarming rate. Thor arrives at Betty’s friend Alice’s swimming pool and skeletizes her – actually in the pool – boffo stuff – that skeleton is really earning his money! Betty and Derek go to the cops. Thor kidnaps Gramps and ends up taking a few bullets during a shoot out at City Hall, not before turning a couple of law enforcement officers into gun-toting skeletons (not at the same time – our friend has now made about five appearances – and he’s not done yet!)

The ace reporter and another lawman have made their way out to the dog’s last resting place in search of Betty, and the copper blunders into the cave containing the stashed gargan which eliminates him (off-screen but you can hear screams and bones crunching).

The gargan grows huge in a trice and goes rampaging across the countryside. Derek has the torch ray gun and by wiring it into some electrical power lines as a panic –stricken Betty engages the assistance of a handy deux et machina man at the power station, they’ve a chance to save humanity, or at least the town..

I couldn’t make out what the small gargan was at the beginning of the picture, but the giant one seems to be a lobster – a real lobster held close to the camera to give it gargantuan proportions with odd screaming sounds dubbed over the top.

If you’re having trouble coping with all this excitement, brace yourself, because an enormous fleet of spaceships containing the Leader and the gargan herds are approaching planet Earth. This being a low budget production we won’t actually see them, although when they come crashing down to Earth there is a brief piece of stock footage showing smoke pouring from a volcano to illustrate this colossal destruction.

It would take another 30 years until  CGI heavy productions such as Independence Day and Mars Attacks would actually show the full glory of starship invasions (OK, there’s the Star Wars films) but I have to give Tom Graeff full credit for his imagination. He produced, directed, wrote and appeared in the film as the newspaper reporter.

Intriguing to see Civil Defence sirens used and people advised to take to their cellars or bunkers, placing this firmly in Cold War paranoia territory.